That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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