you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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