yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
