hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
