My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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