bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
