Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
