She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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