I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize