Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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