pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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