apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
