what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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