Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
