I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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