Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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