weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
