His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
