he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
