Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize