Say something about gay babies.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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