No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
