It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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