U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
