nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
we're so committed to being not committed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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