Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
