My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
