I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
