i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
