Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
