I wish I only lived at night.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
