Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
