we're blogging at a bar
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
