my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
