Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
