***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
