It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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