mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
