Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
