So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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