she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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