Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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