He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
