You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
