The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
