im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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