WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
