it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
