did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize