it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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