Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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