Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
