I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
from now on my penis is your penis
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
