Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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