TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
handjob tips. give me some.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
