We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
