He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
