I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
