She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
