Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love having hate sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
