My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
