The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
