I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
