honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
