We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
