no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
