I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The best revenge is premature balding
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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