just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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