Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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