Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When are your genitals available?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
