You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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