I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
