OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
