i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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