O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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